Due to Jack Bauer, no one looks forward to the weekend anymore, they look forward to the weekend being over, and watching 24 on Monday.

If everyone on “24” followed Jack Bauer’s instructions, it would be called “12”.

When someone asks him how his day is going, Jack replies, “Previously, on 24…”

Jack Bauer is the leading cause of death in Middle Eastern men.

Don’t beg Jack Bauer to shoot you. He will simply shoot your wife. No man tells Jack Bauer what to do.

Jack Bauer could strangle you with a cordless phone.

Killing Jack Bauer doesn’t make him dead. It just makes him angry.

Jack Bauer sleeps with a pillow under his gun.

Jack Bauer was never addicted to heroin. Heroin was addicted to Jack Bauer.

Jack Bauer played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.

Jack Bauer once won a game of Connect 4 in 3 moves.

During the commercials, Jack Bauer calls the CSI detectives and solves their crimes.

When Jack Bauer was a child, he made his mother finish his vegetables.

Jack Bauer can get McDonald’s breakfast after 10:30.

The Black Eyed Peas were just The Peas until Jack Bauer heard their music.

Jack Bauer doesn’t speak any foreign languages, but he can make any foreigner speak English in a matter of minutes.

On a high school math test, Jack Bauer put down “Violence” as every one of the answers. He got an A+ on the test because Jack Bauer solves all his problems with Violence.

Simon Says should be renamed to Jack Bauer Says because if Jack Bauer says something then you better fucking do it.

Superman wears Jack Bauer pajamas.

When Google can’t find something, it asks Jack Bauer for help.

Jack Bauer teaches a course at Harvard entitled: “Time Management: Making the Most Out Of Each Day.”

Sun Tzu once wrote, “If your enemy is weaker, conquer him. If he is stronger, join him. If he is Jack Bauer, you’re fucking dead.”

Jack would never have given up the wet list… no one takes potential kills away from Jack Bauer.

Jack Bauer once killed so many terrorists that at one point, the #5 CIA Most Wanted fugitive was an 18-year-old teenager in Malaysia who downloaded the movie Dodgeball.

Quentin Tarantino was asked to direct a biography about Jack Bauer. He passed. It was too violent.

Tony was once shot in the neck, rushed to the hospital, underwent emergency surgery and was back on the job in just a few hours. Jack Bauer still can’t believe that pussy went to the hospital first.

If Jack Bauer was gay, his name would be Chuck Norris.

You can lead a horse to water. Jack Bauer can make him drink.

All men are created equal. They are all vastly inferior to Jack Bauer.

Finding Nemo would have been vastly more exciting had Jack Bauer been looking for him.

Jack Bauer was conceived by torturing the other sperm until they gave up the location of the egg.

Jack Bauer has been to Mars. Thats why theres no life on Mars.

Comments from long ago:

Comment from: a zit on bauer’s ass

hahah.. very funny.. lol

2006-04-11 03-16

Comment from: Demiurge

I love it ! :-)

2006-04-11 14-23

Comment from: Manuel

A propos de Jack Bauer on va bientôt le voir au cinéma… enfin presque : http://blog.ledebugger.com/index.php/2006/03/03/17-jack-bauer-au-cinema

2006-04-16 22-36

Comment from: pinch


2006-04-18 15-33

Comment from: Pyogazel

C’est à se torre de rire!

2006-05-08 23-03

Comment from: Joachim

hahaha that sound good to me!!

2006-06-22 08-19

Comment from: Janey

Jack Bauer doesn’t wear a watch he decides what time it is.

2006-11-18 15-06

Comment from: James W. Maier

Jack Bauer went to the virgin islands, then they were just the islands!!!

2007-01-16 19-15

Comment from: Bob

When the boogey man goes to sleep, he checks if Jack Bauer is under his bed.

2007-01-16 21-53

Comment from: Meg

It should be, “Next to blowing themselves up, Jack Bauer is the leading cause of death to Middle easterners… Jack doesn’t just get the men, he takes out the women too.”

2007-01-20 00-23

Comment from: Alex

Jack Bauer once had an arm wrestiling match with Superman, the loser had to wear his underwear on the outside.

2007-01-21 01-55

Comment from: Kira

Jack bauer has the mind of a criminal, he keeps it in a jar on his desk!

2007-02-13 14-09

Comment from: tom

The 2007 budget for the US Military covers Jack Bauer, two pistols and four billion rounds of ammunition

2007-04-26 19-03

Comment from: me

Jack Buaer never wet his bed. the bed wet itself out of fear.

2007-05-18 23-55

Comment from: me

If you were killed by Jack Bauer your garve would readRIP, ripped into pieces.

2007-05-19 17-28

Comment from: Bob

Jack Bauer gave James Bond his liscense to kill!

2007-06-18 22-48

Comment from: jck baure

Jack baure’s the reason wheres wolly’s hidding

2007-06-28 19-32

Comment from: dick nipple

guns dont kill people jack bauer kills people

2007-08-04 21-15

Comment from: ertwert

jack bauer chucked norris

2007-09-04 04-13

Comment from: JB

Jack Bauer breaks the eggs and eats the shells. Coz he likes it raw.

2007-12-08 16-28

Comment from: gioia

yeah…this jokes are really cool!!!luv them :)

2008-03-16 18-25

Comment from: Big Nige

Jack Bauer sleeps with the light on coz the dark is scared of him!!!!

2008-03-17 10-37

Comment from: Big Nige

The grass is greener on the other side. Not if Jack Bauer has been there. It’s covered in blood, tears and spent 9mm casings.

2008-03-17 10-41

Comment from: sam ropper

When Jack Bauer uses the machines at a gym…. the machines get a workout!

2008-09-02 18-13

Comment from: Konga

Jack Bauer finished terrorism in schools by making every kid in a suspected school eat their morning careal

2008-09-19 14-48

Comment from: Me…

Osama Binladen’s recent proposal fora truce is a direct result of him find out that Jack Bauer , is infact, still alive.

When Jack Bauer calls for back-up, he isn’t requesting more men, he’s telling you to back the fuck up.

The “Smoothie” was invented after Jack Bauer needed information from a banana.

“You don’t know Jack” is a blessing amongst terrorists.

2008-10-16 13-52

Comment from: Duke Lad

When Goooooooooooooooogle cant find something,it asks Jack Bauer for help

2009-08-30 18-59

Comment from: Tony Almeda

Jack Bauer can teach an old dog new tricks AND make an omelette without breaking any eggs!!

2009-11-20 17-59

Comment from: jb

JB can divide by zero!

2009-12-22 19-14

Comment from: alex

Jack Bauer’s birth initiated the cold war: The U.S. had Jack Bauer, and all Russia had were nuclear weapons

2009-12-31 01-58

Comment from: Bauer’s son

Jack Bauer once slammed shut a revolving door

2010-02-11 11-15

Comment from: lukel1127

Kiefer Sutherland doesn’t play Jack Baurer, Jack plays Kiefer Sutherland.

Jack Baurer once went to a Burger King and got a Big Mac

Chuck Norris can count to infinity and back. While Chuck Norris was doing this Jack Bauer saved the world. Twice.

2010-04-15 03-13

Comment from: DocBMG50

You can’t get blood out of a stone… unless you’re Jack Bauer

2010-05-21 08-55

Comment from: gary

Jack Bauer is so fast he can round around the world and punch himself in the back of the head. Jack Bauer doesn’t read books, he stares them down untill he gets the info he wants. :)

2010-06-23 10-31

Comment from: joel

when jack bauer looked at onions he made them cry (made it myself)

2010-11-15 15-19

Comment from: Bee

Dont dare say NO,when jack bauer says YES

2011-10-18 00-53

Comment from: Drama girl

Jack Bauer is not afraid of the boogeyman, he is afraid of jack Bauer…

2012-03-26 01-45